Kids Helping Their Parents

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Do your kids have your back? Apparently more so than many think. That’s the most heartening takeaway in an otherwise cautionary look at the diciest of American subjects—aging parents—that comes courtesy of the third biennial “Fidelity Investments Family & Finance Study.” Less heartening is that nearly 4 in 10 families seem to be suffering from “a failure to communicate.”

• While 93 percent of parents felt it would be “unacceptable” to become financially dependent on their kids, 70 percent of the adult children had no qualms about it.

• Children were much more likely to expect that either they or a sibling would care for an ill parent than their moms and dads were (47 percent vs. 11 percent).

Despite this welcome news for parents, the study suggests several areas where they need to speak up to ensure their wishes are heard, as it appears the children may not be getting the message. Whether it’s estate execution, longterm caregiving or help in managing investments and retirement finances, it often turns out that the very child parents expect will handle things doesn’t know that the responsibility will fall to him or her. As high as 44 percent of children were unaware that they were expected to eventually manage their parents’ expenses.

Part of the miscommunication is attributed to “timing,” given that only 33 percent of parents and their offspring agree on when it’s “appropriate” to initiate conversations related to aging. Should it happen before retirement? Upon entering retirement? When health and/or finances become an issue? (The correct answer is before retirement.)

Compounding the problem is that even when those conversations do occur, they’re not as detailed as they should be. At some point, every family will face issues relating to aging—perhaps even dementia—and there are real emotional and financial consequences when family conversations either don’t happen or lack sufficient depth. In order to secure peace of mind for aging adults and their children, start those conversations sooner, not

later!

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